Dear Ronnie, Thank you for your message of encouragement and support, it is much appreciated. My rheumy has offered me Enbrel because of the spinal inflammation and if that goes I won't have a life at all. The prospect of being able to continue me studies, like you teaching albeit mathematics, is something to maybe look forwards to. The brain fog coupled with dyslexia makes me feel brain dead. I have a major reading problem and my brain usually works too fast for my memory capacity. For me it is worse than the pain, maybe it has masking effect on the pain. It makes reading and writing an arduous task. At the moment I can't stick to any academic deadlines as I never know how long something is going to take. I will however be keeping a very close watch on my blood counts etc. May your good health continue. Keep the light shining, Ian.

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Ian, I just wanted to tell you that your rock concert excursion really helped me for some odd reason on a day when I felt like dying. Just to let you know I am pretty resilant and have always fought this disease and yesterday was the first day I was upset with God and wanted to die. I was in so much horrible horrible pain that I had to use a cane. I'm on no prescription drugs right now (my new rheumy apt is 4/26) so I took 6 aleve, used a heating pad, ice and wound up with 2 glasses of wine and in the jacuzzi crying for 2 hours. I felt like a failure as a mother because my three little girls (twins that are 5 and another daughter 9) had cereal for dinner and had to put themselves to bed and deal with a mean, bitter mommy all night. My husband was not home until after they were in bed. I was so desperate that I was crying to God asking him why this was happening to me at 29! What did I do wrong in my life to deserve this? I still feel really bad about myself but you encouraged me just by doing something "normal" thank you for sharing and sorry for rambling on... Sometimes it's the little things that matter! Love, Shannon

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Hi Shannon, A few words of encouragement for you. Your girls are very lucky to have a loving mommy. They don't need any more than love and cereal to thrive. Do what you can. Tell them how you feel. And that makes you a great mom, the farthest thing from a failure. Don't make yourself feel bad about stuff that's out of your hands. Second, I suggest being more active to get yourself some quick treatment. Call the rheumy and tell 'em you can't wait, go there, or have them get you a prescription for the weekend. If they know what you're going through, they may well accommodate. I did the same sort of thing, waiting for a rheumy appointment in great pain. I ignored a friend's advice not to wait for my appointment, but all that got me was another week of pain. I've since learned to be assertive about medical care. There are a lot of great meds out there these days and many of us get our PA under control, sometimes quickly, sometimes it takes a while. Hang in there and stay positive. There's a good chance you'll be able to put this all behind you and be back to your regular lifestyle before you hit 30. Good luck.

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Shannon, I have been in the place you are in before.. I thought my life was over. I was in suicidal pain and none of the standard treatments worked. MTX made me sick as the proverbial dog even by injection. I had 9 joints in my hands effected. I had tried minocycline in desperation fro 10 months an went into a severe flare. Enbrel was not approved for PA at the time. Luckily my own personal relationship to the local biotech community here in San Diego pointed me toward Enbrel. Since 3 other mainstream treatments had failed my insurance covered the use of Enbrel with a letter from my RD. Within a day of the first injection I was astoundingly out of pain. Within 3 weeks the inflammation was gone. Within 3 months I was off all other drugs for the PA except Enbrel. I was left with the legacy of the previous treatments. I had several fused or damaged joints mostly because of cortisone injections. Over time these joints have actually improved although it has taken years. The latest thing to happen was I gave a high five to another parent at my daughter's softball game when she struck 3 batters out and I heard a loud crack. I was suddenly able to use my right index finger which had been frozen straight for years. My RD told me the tendon had fused to the bone but unattached itself at that time. I still have some problems but as long as I sensibly use Enbrel I continue to improve. If I get sick I stop for a week or 2. I don't have an injection for a few days before teeth cleaning. It truly has been a godsend for me. Shannon..... You must be proactive in fighting PA. There is no reason to be suffering to avoid medications. If the pain makes you want to die try some treatments. What have you got to lose and it may help. They will probably recommend MTX and a lot of people on this board have had good results with it. Personally I would push for Enbrel. I believe that in cases of early diagnosis it can cause remission. Give it a few months. You may not have to be on it the rest of your life. You can improve. I was in remission for 1.5 years on no drugs at all except the occasional Advil because of Enbrel. Ian... One of the thing that has also helped me is to avoid alcohol. I know it is difficult to do in Merry Ole' England. I used to be a heavy drinker. I had to stop cold when I went on MTX and the other drugs because one drink could have killed me. Enbrel is mildly stimulating in some people myself included. If you have a hyperactive mind like I do you may need to take something to take the edge off that side effect. Alcohol is a bad choice. For the last 5 years I was taking a small dose of klonopin before bed. That seemed to do the trick. Lately I have changed to using timed release zanax xr because the klonopin was messing with my memory a bit. That brings up mind fog etc. In school I have found that I must pace myself. I must admit that I have a problem. It took me several semesters to gradually work up to a 12 unit load. Mind you I am 50 years old and amending two other degrees. Just pace yourself. I'm on the Deans List and graduating within the year. If you both research the archives you can probably read some of my earlier posts. I don't do it much anymore because my improvement has been so dramatic and I am quite occupied with life. However I do read all post and try to give encouragement when I read similar experiences like yours. Hopefully I have not bored the moderator and the other longtime board members with telling my tail one more time. The point is Enbrel does work, you can get better, you can be out of pain, you can have your life back. If the Enbrel doesn't work try something else. There are other options and even newer treatments than Enbrel. Do your homework. Listen to your body. See what works. There has been a lot of discussion lately about bad reactions to Enbrel and yes this can happen. However it is rare. The last time I looked Enbrel has about a 50% efficacy rate for arthritis and it may be even higher for PA. You may get a whole lot better. Cheers, Ronnie E.

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Since having wrist surgery years ago, my joints and tendons gradually swelled, became disfigured, and my aches increased. Last Fall, I began having pain in my other wrist. My primary care physician (pcp) sent me to an orthopedic. After examining and x-raying both of my hands, wrists, and lower arms, he and his partner wanted me to see a rheumy. I was 30 at the time, and unfortunately, the doctor they wanted me to see AND their second choice only took Medicare/Medicaid. I got the name of a good rheumy through my gastro-guy (who knew?). However that office could not take me for almost 5 months!... not acceptable. I got my pcp to get me in earlier to the rheumy; it was just a 3-4 week wait. It was not the doc of my choice, but it was the same office. I have now been taking enbrel for 3 months. It is working... the pitting/plaquing has greatly reduced and my swelling/aching is limited to when I do too much or when the pressure changes (rains, too). Get to the doctor in any way you can. Be assertive. I agree with Robert's recommendation below. Plus, it will help you mentally. asm

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Hi Robert, Thank you and you are so very right. I take too much pain too often and never am aggressive in getting help. I've been waiting for this new Rheumy appointment for 3 months with no pain meds. I do have an appointment on Wednesday FINALLY! I do feel better now, I've been doing my best to stay well this last year with no medications. Exercise, diet etc... But when I feel ok I do too much, like 2 days after that horrible ordeal I told you all about I did 4 hours of yard work hunched over and then limped around to make dinner and 2 hours of laundry. As well as volunteered at both of my daughters kindergarten classes. I can't seem to allow myself to slow down, then I'd be admitting to a disability. And I can't let that happen, my mother would like to see me in a wheelchair claiming disability benefits and I'm not ready for that stuff! I'm holding on to that hope of feeling good by 30. Thank you! ~Shannon

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Ronnie, Thank you for your very infomative post! I do want you to know though that I am far from against any drugs, I'm not choosing by choice to go "au naturale" I can't find a good rheumy to save my life. No one is aggressive enough with me and I end up with a great big medical bill even with insurance. But I'm trying again on Wednesday and I'll try to be as forceful as I can in my own little Shannon way. Thanks! Shannon